Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

high waters

by kiki dogwood

I pulled out some black Adidas running pants from my bottom drawer tonight, headed to the gym, and hopped onto the only available treadmill, which was in front of a mirror.  This is when I first noticed that my pants were too short.  That good for nothing dryer shrunk my pants.  Damn it all to hell.  Then, a few moments later, it hit me:  the pants have not shrunk.  My ass and thighs are now so big that they’ve shortened my pants.  When I hit the point where I start running, those pants were crawling up, showing my socks, all hugged up in my butt cheeks.  I tried to stay focused and pull them from other parts of my thighs, hoping to release them from my ass, all the while trying not to attract the attention of every middle-aged cow watching Two and a Half Men.  It was a nightmare.  Totally fucked up my entire workout.  I came home, threw those SOBs in a trashcan, took it to the backyard, doused them with lighter fluid and set them on fire.*

olivier maurin on flickr

* not really. I’m actually still wearing them.  But I’m not liking it and will donate them to Goodwill when they’re clean again.


2 Responses to “high waters”

  1. i love that this story about something horrible includes a shout out to Two and a Half Men.


  2. I hate that TV show and I hate anyone who enjoys watching it.

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