Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

Treadmill trashing

by kiki dogwood

I googled that phrase and there were only 4 hits so I have assume that Kat Eden invented it, and I’m stealing it.  Don’t be discouraged that you’re not sore, Margs!  You felt awesome!  The high of trashing that treadmill last night carried you through the day and (I’m guessing) kept your ass more in line than yesterday.  I bet you are more sore on day 2; I think everyone is.

I, however, was incredibly sore on day 1.  Last night when I went to pee– you know those last few degrees you have to squat before your ass hits porcelain?  In those last few degrees of my butt hovering in lactic acid pain I was thinking, “Holy Mother of God.  I’d rather have a sty in my eye than feel this way.  I’d rather be severely sunburned.  I’d rather bite into my cheek on accident and then bite into it again a minute later.  I’d rather tear off a cuticle.  I’d rather have a pimple in my nose.  I’d rather kick the coffee table barefoot in the middle of the night.”  You get the point?  My butt really, really hurt.  Maybe it was more from the non-stop squat/lunge sets than it was from the sprints?  Maybe it was a combination of both.

I took yesterday off and returned to trash the treadmill tonight.  My goal is to do one more sprint than I did the time before, so I made it to 16 minutes consisting of 8 one-minute sprints.  By the end I was running at an 8.2.  Not true.  By the end I was running at an 8.4 but I almost fell off.  As I neared the finish, a hot young thing who could kick Carrie Underwood’s ass in a leg-wrestling match got on the treadmill next to me in the teensiest little shorts I ever did see.  She even bent over once to tie her shoes and I could see the men behind her fight to not fall off their bikes.  She started up her breezy jog and when I looked over I couldn’t believe it.  She was running at an 8.0 and she looked like a goddamned gazelle leaping through the African plains on a beautiful spring morning without a lion in site.  Fuck her.

After the sprints I cranked out my upper body workout– shoulder presses, tricep extensions, lateral raise, bicep curls– without stopping between sets.  By the end I could barely manage 4 or 6 lifts in a set so I’m looking forward to not being able to lift a toothbrush in the morning.

duskyyouth on flickr


One Response to “Treadmill trashing”

  1. First of all: you are amazing and I’m so proud of you!! Just thinking about 8 one-minute sprints and getting up to 8.whatever makes me want to throw up. You know, in a good way. So this is totally motivational for me, and I really appreciate that.

    Next: SkinnyBitchGazelleTreadmillTinyShorts can suck it.

    Finally: I hear you on the sore hamstring-ass feeling, but I actually kind of love it because it makes me feel like I’m at least being productive. I guess that’s why I have been associating this non-soreness feeling with being unproductive? Whatever. I’m getting over that, because I do feel pretty good. I wish I had a hotel gym in my house.

    Good luck with the teeth brushing tomorrow.


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