Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

Friday fat check

by margo fontaine

hoho0482 on flickr

Seriously, you guys, I think my scale is broken.  This morning it told me that I weigh 134.8, which would be down 2.2 pounds from last week, when Scale managed to trick me into thinking that I lost 2.4 pounds the week before.  You know what I think?  I think that Scale is up to something and feeding me lies to get my hopes up for some reason, and that is just mean.  And does he think that I don’t have eyes or a mirror?

But forreals.  Does eating meat for breakfast have such magical powers that it counteracts the 47,000 dark chocolate covered almonds that I have eaten this week?  Or the time I forgot to tell Jimmy John’s to hold the mayo on my sandwich?  Or the fact that I haven’t had a salad since that day last week when I only ate one to make myself feel better for also eating that serving of deliciously full-fat homemade mac & cheese?  Or the fact that I may have entertained the notion of breaking up with Exercise and getting back together with Tangueray more than once (okay, it might have been 5 times) in the last 5 days?  (Don’t worry, I’m not doing it.  Do you hear me, Tangueray?  No means NO.)

Or is my scale a dirty liar?


9 Responses to “Friday fat check”

  1. Wow. Please alert me when you solve this amazing mystery. I forgot to get deli meat at the store last weekend so my plan to join you in the breakfast of carnivorous champs has not started yet. I also wonder if I should be doing lots of fun DVDs at home too instead of dragging my sorry butt to the gym every morning? The boyfriend probably wouldn’t be so into hearing Jillian screaming at me first thing in the morning while he’s still asleep. But I suppose the butt would be worth it. Hmm.

  2. Jimmy Johns? on 202?
    can’t be – you wouldn’t be getting a sandwich – you would have indulged in one of their infamous hot dogs!!

  3. Nope, not that Jimmy Johns (this one: But now that I have done a little research I’m seriously considering driving about 25 hours for that hot dog. My whole mouth just filled with saliva.

    I am a total whore for the fitness dvds. It’s ridiculous how many I have. I think it’s because I never know what to do with myself when I’m on my own at the gym. I like somebody yelling at me and telling me what to do. Which you would find hilariously ironic if you knew me. I have started dragging myself to the gym to use the treadmill, but I’m much more likely to get something done if it can happen in my living room. You could always bring Jillian in and listen to her a couple of times and once you get the hang of it, put her on mute and just listen to an ipod or something so as not to wake the bf…

  4. Or check out the new crazy Tracy Anderson stuff, since hearing her commentary (which is all audio recorded after the video was shot, you never see her talking in these new ones) doesn’t really help with how to do her cuckoo moves anyway. It’s just like watching her on the dance floor at a club.

  5. Interesting. I had a trainer for a long time, so I have 3-4 “routines” of strength training/weights that I rotate through, but I think even that mixed in with cardio I probably plateau pretty quickly. Although I love my gym with a passion, I just wonder if mixing in some DVDs (the only one I have is the Shred) would help mix things up a bit. My gym’s primary clientele are stay-at-home moms so all the good classes start at 9am, which clearly doesn’t work for me. 😦

  6. Do you know what this means?

    Quite possibly, in the next two weeks, you will be in the 120s. Someone will say, “Hey bitch, how much do you weigh?” and you can say, “Oh, I don’t know exactly… 120-something so blow me why don’t you?”

    I would trade 4 pounds of rock hard titties to weigh in the 120s.

  7. So, my genius friend at work suggested that I put some weights on my scale and see if they show to weigh what I know they weigh. Genius. So, I just put 10 lbs of weight on the scale. Guess what it said?


    I still don’t believe it. There’s no WAY I’ve lost 5 pounds in two weeks.

  8. The only thing better would be if it said the 10 pounds weighed 5 pounds.

    You are fucking awesome and so is Kat for telling you to carnivore that shit up.

  9. I’m so glad she yelled at me that time and then became our cyber-mentor.

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