Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

Hey bitch,

by kiki dogwood

What’s up?  I’m back.  The dog survived, the baby slept 11 hours, and my tits, while still hard as rocks, are gradually shrinking.  I snuck on the scale this morning and guess what?  I weigh two pounds more than last week.  What the fuck is up with that, huh?  Someone tell me what my scale’s problem is before I start smacking it around.

I’m not going to say I’ve been strictly adhering to 1200 calories on JC since Wednesday because I haven’t.  I’ve had 3 adult beverages and a few soy ice cream sandwiches, but there is no way I went above 1600 maybe 1700, tops.  There is no excuse to weigh more than last week.  It is not fucking possible to have eaten 7,000 extra calories.

So you know what this means?  A big fuck you to hormones, that’s what.


2 Responses to “Hey bitch,”

  1. fuck you, hormones!

    also, have you considered the possibility that your scale and my scale are a couple of bitches who are just messing with us? i bet they have some secret meeting where they get together and talk shit about the bikini challenge and how if they can’t have champagne in a can nobody can have champagne in a can. it all makes sense to me.

    welcome back, bitch.

  2. I doubt this helps, but I sometimes (frequently) gain two pounds in 24 hours. Who the hell knows…salt, water, hormones. They’re all bitches.

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