Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

New found motivation

Hi Margo, it’s me, Jessica.  I heard you’re thinking about giving up on the weight loss gig and accept your fat, lumpy thighs as they are.  What the fuck is the problem, chica?  Don’t you have to be nearly naked in public in 7 short weeks?  Do you know what I do when I have to be nearly naked?  I put the martini down.  I ramp up the work-out intensity.  I walk around my house of mirrors in a thong, forcing myself to bask in the horrors.  It’s impossible to eat when you’re looking at dimpled saddle bags in a g-string.  Being fat is the worst, isn’t it?  Remember that time not long ago when I was really fat?  I mean, pregnant?  NEVER AGAIN.  I had my ovaries removed to make sure that there will not be another 9 months of hell for me.  And guess what?  My abs look even more awesome than they did when I was fertile.

Like how I cover up my thighs with my hands?


One Response to “New found motivation”

  1. The Get Rid of Your Ovaries Diet? If I say that’s appealing to me, can we still be friends?

    The gin bottle is empty. I’m getting back together with Cuckoo tomorrow.

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