Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

The new diet

by kiki dogwood


Psyllium husk.  Tastes like hay and makes me gag, but is super important to weight loss.  And pooping.  Ah, pooping.  Have 1 tablespoon twice a day in a little cranwater and drink it fast with a straw.

Flax seed oil.  Put it in your smoothie.  It’s very high calorie so I only use 1 tablespoon.

Selenium.  This is only because I just had a baby and might have some crazy thyroid/hormonal issue.  I’m taking 400 micrograms but only for 6 months.

Daily multivitamin.  I take a prenatal because who knows when a girl might get knocked up again.  Got to be ready with that folic acid.

Daily Exercise: over in 30 minutes

4-8 60-second sprints as a warm-up with 60 seconds rest in between

Weights without resting:

75 squats with 20 lbs (10 in each hand) (done as 3 sets of 25)

60 lunges with 20 lbs (10 in each hand or a 20lb bar over shoulders) (done as 3 sets of 20)

100 crunches


4-8 60-second sprints as a warm-up with 60 seconds rest in between

Weights without resting:

45 shoulder presses with 25 pounds (done as 3 sets of 15)

45 tricep extensions with 20 pounds (done as 3 sets of 15)

75 bicep curls with 30 pounds (done as 3 sets of 25)

100 crunches


Vary between 1100-1340 calories

drink  1.5 L cranwater 45 calories: (44 oz water + 6 oz unsweetened cranberry juice (45 cal)+ 3 stevia (or sweet leaf) packs in 1.5 L water bottle) throughout the day, in addition to another 1.5 L of regular water

7:30 am 8 oz very warm water with squeeze of lemon

7:40 am 8 oz cranwater with 1 tablespoon psyllium husk (15 cal)

8:00 am breakfast 160 calories:  1/2 cup egg whites (60 cal) with garlic (and tiny bit of sea salt), 2 pieces turkey sausage (100 cal)

11am snack 270 calories:  smoothie [1/3 scoop whey protein (55 cal) with ½ cup 38% reduced fat milk (65 cal) (or use whole milk) and 5 medium organic strawberries (20 cal), 1 tablespoon flaxseed oil (130 cal), 2 packets stevia, ice]

1:30pm lunch 265 calories:  2 cups mixed greens salad (20 cal) with 1/2 bell pepper (15 cal) and 3 meatballs (130 cal), 2 tablespoon organic low-sugar cider vinegar dressing (100 cal)

4:30 pm snack 140 calories:  10 cherry tomatoes (30 cal) in 1 teaspoon olive oil (60) and garlic (little bit of sea salt), plus 2 oz sliced turkey meat (50 cal)

7pm dinner 260-400 calories:  Option 1:  4 oz shrimp (120) in garlic and 1 teaspoon olive oil (60 cal) (little bit of sea salt) with 10 green beans (20 cal) in garlic and 1 teaspoon olive oil (60 cal) (little bit of sea salt) OR OPTION 2:  lamb chops (185 cal) in garlic and 1 teaspoon olive oil (60 cal) (little bit of sea salt) with ½ cup brussel sprouts (32 cal) in 1 tablespoon vegetable oil (120), garlic, sea salt

8:30 pm cranwater (8 oz) with 1 tablespoon psyllium husk (15 cal)


17 Responses to “The new diet”

  1. thanks for posting! That’s a pretty strict diet – you have iron will power to do that!!!

    psyllium husk: tried it and cannot tolerate it (too much bloating from it) I switched to chia seeds (2 tbls) in the morning – does the same thing since its all fiber!

    Can’t do it this week cause its birthday week and there are many celebratory lunches! and dinners!! and drinks!!! but i will definitely try to join you on this endeavor starting Sunday!

  2. It is pretty strict but when you’ve signed up to be nearly naked in public in 6 1/2 weeks, it doesn’t seem so bad.

    And really, I don’t feel hungry. Probably because of all of the protein and regular snacking. Even when we take a short road trip I bring my snacks so there’s no meltdown while we’re out.

    I can’t wait for you to do it, too! Let’s all get skinny thighs.


  4. Thank you!!!!

    I will definitely join you and we will be skinny bitches together (even though we are hundreds of miles apart!!) ahahaha!!

  5. Happy Birthday, Faith. I’m really glad you were born and are so great to us!

    Kiks, thank you for posting this. It’s awesome. I might ask for a little help tailoring it to my needs (like, I can’t make a smoothie at 10am at my office)… but I definitely like this All Be Skinny Bitches Together Plan. I’m getting a little worried that only one of us can do well at a time.

    (ps: I’m taking the psyllium in a capsule.)

  6. How many capsules are you taking? 12?

  7. Also, when the hubs and I did this diet before getting married, I would make the smoothie at 7am and put it in the fridge at work. Before drinking it at noon I’d shake it really hard. It would still separate some, but was yummy, especially from the vanilla flavored whey protein.

    But it’s easy for you to bring pre-cooked meatballs and eat them cold, or walnuts, or turkey slices, or hummus and some kind of vegetable you can tolerate raw. Or make a big salad and don’t put the dressing on until noon. You just have to get up 15 minutes earlier to accomplish all of it.

  8. Kat Eden stamp of approval, everyone.

  9. No, I’m not taking 12 capsules, you jerk. But maybe I am now. So there.

    Reduced fat dairy??

  10. It’s because it’s lactose-free and my grocery store doesn’t have lactose-free whole milk. It’s something like 38% reduced rather than 98% reduced, so blow me.

    TWO TABLESPOONS WORTH OF CAPSULES. However many that is.

  11. It is about 12 capsules, jerkface. And it still tastes better than cran-water flavored hay.

    Are you just using regular whey powder (vanilla), or is there anything special I should know about that when I get back home and seriously start this bitch next week?

  12. yep just vanilla whey. happy pooping!

  13. What’s cranwater?

  14. A little unsweetened cranberry juice in a whole lot of water. The recipe is just under the FOOD heading.

  15. (OMG, I had so totally made up my mind to start calling you Franonny, and you beat me to it!)

  16. […] “I will do it with you.”  Fasting in the Dogwood house transitions easily into the Modified Fat Flush Hearts Kat Eden Diet, so I don’t want to hear how bad fasting is when it gets us back into a proper relationship […]

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