Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

No joke.

by margo fontaine

I swear to the Little Baby Jesus that if I get home tomorrow and I weigh 137 pounds on my home turf scale, I am going to lose my my freaking mind.  In the words of Will & Grace‘s Dorleen (Jack’s boss at Barney’s New York, New York, aka, Parker Posey with the neckerchief and the crazy bangs):


I am talking to you, 120, and I am serious.  You have tried the bounds of my patience.  AND you have done it while I am on vacation, which is a total dick move.  I have not had doughnuts, cream sauce, cake, or gin.  I have had a million gallons of water to drink.  I have taken psyllium husk, which is making me bloat and I hate it.  I have eaten vegetables.  I have worked my ass out for REAL every single day I have been here.  And you think it’s funny to just move farther and farther away from me.

Not cool, 120.  And you know what?  Payback is a BITCH.

You better check yourself.


2 Responses to “No joke.”

  1. There has to be an explanation for this. Maybe the psyllium isn’t right for you. When I started taking it I didn’t poo for FOUR DAYS which is at least a couple of pounds but then all of a sudden it kicked in all at once. I hope this happens for you.

  2. Thanks, Kiks. Me, too. (FOUR DAYS?!)

    I’m home now and Scale has barely escaped untimely death by tossing off a cliff into traffic because it did not say 137. It says 134.2 and I’m going to go ahead and say: thank you, Scale. You know why? Because I am winning Scale over to my team in this battle against that heinous bitch 120.

    You look great today, Scale. Thanks for letting me stand on you all the time.

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