Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

Okay, dammit.

by margo fontaine

I really like this, but is it cheating?

Moontide. Cheating?

I also am in love with this, but am horrified at the skimpiness of the bottom:

Moontide. Seriously. I'm not even trying them on.

I REALLY like this one, which I think might be the same as the blue, but I can’t find a closer pic:

More Moontide.

And the stripes.  I am a little in love with the stripes:

Moony moon Moontide.

So, there you go.  And I’m still fat.

BUT.  I signed up for this thing at work today…  The university where I work has a Fitness Institute and they do this 12 week program every so often, which is 3 hour-long exercise classes a week plus a bit on nutrition.  It starts and ends with a full-body DEXA scan, which tells you exactly how many pounds of you is bones and weight and muscle, and gives you real body fat and bone density percentages.  I’ve done it before, and it’s cool.  The nutrition bit is kind of a snooze, and there’s more cardio than I would like.  But it’s mostly circuit training and it’s very centered on building muscle to burn fat, so there’s a lot of weights and resistance training.  For me, having the structure built into the day really helps.  So, even if I don’t get home from work until 7 or so at night, I will have already worked out over lunch.  So.  It starts May 10th, which is way too close to June 5th, but we’ll see.

SOMEthing has to be done about this ass.


16 Responses to “Okay, dammit.”

  1. That tie top is the same style as my tie top and it’s super flattering on boobs like ours. When I was pregnant it could not contain them.

    Personally I’m not loving the stripes for you and I do not love that maroon color with the stripes. I think the paisley prints are much sexier.

    So, I know how you feel and I see what you’re thinking with these bottoms, but I have to say that I think you have it backwards. In your attempt to hide behind the lesbo volleyball player shorts (no offense to lesbos) you are accentuating the problem. It’s like tying a sweater around your hips to hide your butt. Everyone just looks at your butt, which looks enormous.

    The women who look great in those shorts have super straight thighs and perky round butts. If you put yourself in that category then go right ahead and buy them.

    The cut of the skimpier bottoms is probably going to be a lot more flattering. What matters is that it covers your ass crack, and cheeks, and not much more than that. It’s a fine line of less is more v. more is more. Too much is definitely too much when it comes to bottoms and you end up looking like Mom Jeans at the beach.

    Try on the skimpier. Can you order them with free shipping or anything? I know that Moontide is hard to find in the US.

    I read that as 3-hour long classes rather than 3 one-hour long classes and was like, “Kat Eden is going to fly up here and kick your ass when she reads that,” but now I got it sorted out. You are very good at this class thing and I admire how you’re always looking for something new to do. I have worked out 1 time this entire week, which was Wednesday.

  2. I really like the maroon stripes, but don’t think they would look good on me. I hear you about the bottoms, although, for the record, I did pass up every other pair of boy short bottoms for the very reason you gave. I wouldn’t have even stopped on this one except that I liked the cut of the top. There’s another set with a top like that and a super cute twisty bottom, but the color was horrible for me.

    I wish Kat Eden would fly up here and kick my ass. I just read a post of hers where she talks about having no sugar. Period. I’ve been doing much better (and those girl scout cookies are still on on the shelf, by the way), but I decided yesterday that I have no interest in living a life without dark chocolate.

  3. speaking of Kat- do you both have her book? im thinking of getting it after being introduced to her by your blog – im trying to decide between getting her book, the newest tracy anderson dvd OR brazilian butt lift – unfortunately I can’t get all 3 right now – but which do you think would be most helpful?

  4. Jaime these are questions for Margo to answer, so let’s hope she gets off her cellulite this morning and does that for you.

    Margs, I’m down to eating 11 grams of sugar per day. A few years ago when the hubs and I did the strict Fat Flush Plan we were on zero sugar for weeks, which was bland but fine. Then Easter came up and we went to brunch at a friends house and ate fruit salad drizzled in sugar and some cookies and he ALMOST PASSED OUT driving home. His mother took our picture and we looked drunk from the sugar. We had to sleep it off for several hours.

  5. Kiki, please stop validating the existence of my cellulite. It does not exist, it does not exist, it does not motherfucking exist. Do you hear me, Cellulite? I DO NOT BELIEVE IN YOU ANYMORE. (So suck it.)

    Jaime, it depends on where you are in terms of this whole thing. If you feel you need to focus more on diet than exercise, I’d say get Kat’s book (I think there’s a promotional code somewhere on her website that will get you $10 off). I have not gotten very far into it yet, but I can imagine what it will be like from reading her blog posts. Plus, there are some quizzes and exercises she gives you, that make you think about things differently. But it really is all about diet and not so much exercise. (Though, diet IS about 90% of weight loss.)

    So, if you’re feeling good about how you manage your diet and want to focus more on the exercise, then… How into Cuckoo Anderson are you? The new Perfect Design Series is a little wacko, but I like it. The first dvd doesn’t get too crazy like the next do (which have you doing some rather interesting things with a chair), but it’s a good sculpting workout (no cardio). It’s kind of like watching her dance at a club wearing shiny silver outfits and doing an African ant eater dance, and it takes some getting used to—at least it did for me, and I used to be a gymnast and a dancer, so I’m pretty coordinated and adept at picking up steps. But, like I said, I do enjoy it.

    The Brazil Butt Lift workout is more of a total workout. There are 3 discs and 6 or 8 options to do different combinations of. It’s designed as a month-long thing, and comes with scheduling options for achieving different results (which all involve a sweet ass), a meal plan (which I haven’t followed), a resistance band, and some other things like that. It really depends on your personal preference, whether it would be worth the 60 bucks. I’m not mad I spent the money on it, and if you do it every day, then I think it’d be totally worth it. Plus, if you got it, you could start hating that abominable back up shaker with me.

    Kiki, 5g of sugar a day is amazeballs.

  6. I lied at first. It’s 11.

  7. Boy shorts are the devil. They are all tight on the top part of your thigh, which makes the section of the top part of your thigh right BELOW the hem bulge out in a modified muffin top (like a muffin bottom). I’m in a mostly happy place with my weight at the moment and wouldn’t be caught dead in boy short bathing suits. Sometimes it’s all relative and just letting the thighs flap free looks better than containing them in one section so the rest look fatter by comparison.

    But maybe that’s just me.

    I did some googling for illustration, and behold:


  9. Frannondog, that is an excellent illustration. And wow that lady has big thighs so let’s all take a moment to give thanks to little baby Jesus that we only have to deal with our own thighs, and not those thighs.

  10. This was, at one point in my collegiate past, actually a nickname given to me. Good call, Kiki.

    Glad you enjoyed the illustration, and agreed on the size of those thighs – I thought the same thing. Makes a powerful point, though, huh?

  11. Yes, it does, and “Muffin Bottom” is awesome.

    And I think I have those thighs.

  12. Margo, at 131.4 (I don’t believe either of your scales), for you to have those thighs the rest of you would be 2-dimensional. Just sayin’.

  13. See, Kiki? Franny believes in my smooth skinny thighs.

    (131 abandoned me as soon as I started going after 120. Jerk.)

  14. I thought we were back to being nice to 120?

  15. It’s all an emotional roller coaster these days, Frandog.

  16. I hear you, girl.

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