Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

33 days

by kiki dogwood

You know what  scares the shit out of me?  When you tell me how many days are left until my love handles will be waving hello to all of our friends in bright daylight.  Also, I think I’ve been eating too much because I haven’t been paying attention all week.  Also, those margaritas did me no favors.  Also, I have not worked out.  I know.  I’m sorry.  I do love your texts and I’m going to work out right now.  Also, I need to buy these chairs from Target before they stop selling them.  Remember I’d ordered them once?  My credit card on file had expired and I didn’t go back into the system to fix it and my order got canceled.  Lazy on all fronts.

Mila Kunis


6 Responses to “33 days”

  1. Ugh! The weekends are hard – hard to stay on track when your invited to picnics and goat races and there’s sangria all over the place.

  2. I was reading this comment thinking Margo wrote it and was like, “What the hell? I just saw you and you didn’t mention a goat race?”

  3. I so wish I had been invited to the goat races.

    KIKI: GO TO THE GYM. And buy those target chairs. I don’t want you to come bitching to me when they don’t make them anymore and you procrastinated. They’re cool chairs. Do it. AND GO WORK OUT.

    It’s so not fair that Mila Kunis looks this good and we don’t.

  4. I hope you went to the gym and Target Kiki. (you should be thankful you have a Target, even if you don’t have sangria fueled goat races). You can still see a difference in 33 days if you bust your ass- so get to it!

  5. Thanks, Jaime. I need to bust my ass. Can you tell me to bust my ass everyday? I think it will help.

    I ate really well today even though I popped into work to handle a previous commitment and it ended up having the worst possible outcome. I nearly drove straight to Baskin Robbins and then to have a cocktail. Seriously. I almost did this but didn’t because I’m selling our bed so we can buy a bigger bed and someone was coming to look at it and I knew I needed to get a stack of panties on my dresser put a way and find that bottle of Astroglide that got lost behind the headboard. I didn’t want to call my husband and make him crawl under the bed to fetch it. Otherwise I’d be having some pecan praline; the holiest of ice creams.

    I DID workout before going to work and I did not cheat on the diet all day. I did not get to Target. Plus I’m going to have some psyllium before bed. Are you taking your psyllium, Margs? The pooping is nice, isn’t it?

  6. I cannot believe you just told that story about the Astroglide on the world wide web, Kiki. This is why I’m in love with you. (I’m sorry you had a shit-filled day, and I’m glad you did not fill your body with shit to top it. Good girl.)

    Yes, I am taking my psyllium, and it it the most disgusting thing ever. Except wait. I just sat here for a moment and contemplated whether I would rather have the gag-me-psyllium-gross-out twice a day OR eat a raw tomato once a day, and I have decided that Tomato is grosser. (And with way less fiber.)

    I hate you, Tomato.

    (PS: the pooping is so nice. I had no idea what I was missing. None.)

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