Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

Celebrity Guestblogger: Salma Hayek

Hola, bitches.

I was lounging around in my bikini this morning and I thought about you guys.  You may have heard that I pretty much eat whatever I want and I don’t really work out or anything, except that I like to go dancing sometimes.  But I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.  That only works for me because I am a goddess, and I’m not actually human.  It’s not going to work for you.  YOU are going to have to get off your gringo asses and go to the gym.  And you are going to have to stop putting things in your mouth that don’t belong there, like queso and margaritas.  I know it is not fair, chicas.  But I can help you.

I will be your Patron Saint of Bikini Hotness. Worship me.

When you wake up in the morning and look at yourselves in the mirror, pray to your Patron Saint of Bikini Hotness and channel my likeness.  Trust me.  If you believe it, it will come.  In no time, you will be so smooth, with velvety caramel skin, and a ridiculously slamming body, and you will be ready to rock this bikini challenge on it’s ass.

For those times you find yourselves particularly discouraged, do not give up!  You watch this video, and you keep it in your heart as a silent prayer to the heavens.  (Except not the part with Quentin in it because that part is creepy.)  Believe it, m’ijas.  It will come.


9 Responses to “Celebrity Guestblogger: Salma Hayek”

  1. fabulous. she’s a freakin’ liar. she can’t look like that and still eat tortillas and pan dulce all day.

  2. I guess if every ounce of excess body fat went to my boobs I would eat whatever i wanted too.
    Her waist and hip area is just smokin hot too – it reminds me of that picture of you kiki

  3. I thought it was me.

  4. YIKES!

  5. wow.

  6. hey – just found this link.

    so is she afraid of snakes or is she dancing with snakes??

    dated – Wednesday, June 9, 2010

  7. that’s bizarre. maybe she got drunk for the sexy snake dance.

  8. let it be known: scared of snakes or not – she is freaking hot!

  9. word.

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