Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

Celebrity Guestblogger: Alessandra Ambrosio

Olá! senhoras.

You sure look like you could use some help.  I’m going to tell you what I told Love Magazine.  Unfortunately, it looks like I didn’t find you in time to help you for your little Bikini Challenge.  But maybe this will help you get it together for next year.

My bikini body is my pet and this is what I do to keep it hot.

  1. I leave New York during the winter and base myself in Florianopolis in South Brasil so I can spend as much time as possible at the beach.  I fly wherever I need to for work and go back. Its like learning a language – you need to be in the place you are learning in order to pick it up.  So to have a bikini body its better to hang out on the beach.  [I do] the Brazilian butt lift which is something my Brazilian trainer Leandro developed for me combining samba, Capoeira and dancing.
  2. Brazilian girls collect bikinis the way European women collect outer wear.  I must have 500 bikinis I have acquired over the years and I work on my body so I can fit what I love.
  3. I have spent the last 5 years in Bali every August so I make sure I plan trips to places I can wear bikinis.
  4. I eat clean healthy food most of the time but allow myself indulgences like chocolate and a caparinha.  Its about balance.

It’s easy.

Now.  Why the hell am I not on your top ten list?  Have you seen me?

Adeus meninas gordas.  Boa sorte!

Você é tão triste você não é mim.


5 Responses to “Celebrity Guestblogger: Alessandra Ambrosio”

  1. I’m sure that when you spend most of your days wearing nothing you’re more likely to never let yourself get out of shape. I was like that when I was stripping.

  2. Me, too.

  3. Thanks Alessandra, now I fee like total shit.
    Oh, by the way you forgot to mention that you had a baby in 2008 too Bitch
    Let me tell you, this plan may work if you are a Brazilian supermodel who dosen’t work full time in an office. And you probablly have maids and nannys to take care of those pesky chores and childcare responsibilities.
    It’s still hard as hell to stay in great shape even if you are around the beach ALL the time – Bitch

  4. (I like how nobody is concerned that Kiki and Margo are a couple of dirty strippers.)

  5. I don’t think they believe anyone would pay to see our cellulite.

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