Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)


by margo fontaine

For now.


23 Responses to “Rescinded”

  1. Margo is mad that I created a profile for her so that I could send her the 5 cutest men between 32 and 40, 5’11” and 6’3″, with HAIR, hello, that are educated and gainfully employed in a 50 miles radius.

    Am I a good friend or what? And these men were cute!

    It is NOT like I posted the pictures from our bikini shopping trip on the profile.

  2. Margo – don’t be mad at me – keep your anger directed at KiKi – but from where I’m sitting …. this is FUNNY!! made me laugh so hard! Tears came to my eyes!

  3. I could never be mad at you, Faith.

    I also laughed, until I thought she was pimping me and posting my picture and things. It is a nice gesture, unless they all turn out to be Republicans. (Though, I only thought one of them was that cute.)

    You’re a good friend, Kiki.

  4. For your information, the furthest right I set your preferences was “middle of the road.”

  5. Which one did you think was cute? The one in the ski cap? Because I think he might be bald. Sorry. He slipped through the filter.

  6. the last one.

  7. You didn’t think it was goofy that he parts his hair down the middle or that he posted 3 pictures obviously taken within minutes of each other and that in one of them he was playing the piano? It’s so easy to fake playing the piano in a photo. To me it said, “Hey, mom, will you take some pictures of me for my internet dating profile?”

    His dog is ca-ute though. Date him and steal me his dog.

  8. I didn’t look at all his pictures, or read their profiles because I was up to my arse in hard horrible work today. If you thought he was a tool then WHY DID YOU PICK HIM FOR ME? Plus, he doesn’t even live in my city, you dope.

  9. I do think he’s cute. God. We still make fun of cute people, don’t we?

  10. Ooh ooh I am the Internet dating master! This summer I helped my brothers friend rewrite his profile and now he is totally off the market. Yes
    hat=bald and also ‘middle of the road’ is sometimes actually ‘i’m conservative but don’t want to be judged for it on this site’. And subtract 2 inches from whatever they say. I wanna see the last guy!

  11. OOOOH!!! Can I can I can I post the link to his photo Margs? Wait, why am I asking Margs?

    Here you go!

    (Now watch some anon lurker chirp up, “That’s my brother! His hair looks great!”)

  12. And yes, Margo, he is the handsomest one. That second one looks like Joey from Friends.

  13. OMG!!! so ridiculously cute. Is he interesting? Does he say ‘i am loyal to my friends and am just as happy going out for drinks as cuddling on the couch with a DVD’, or something good?? Wait and is this the guy whose photos were all taken the same day?

  14. Oh and I am not worried about the part… It might be an accident. Some guys have hair that does that.

  15. Does he say, “I like a woman who is just as comfortable in an evening gown as she is in jeans?” No! Thank God.

    He has a grad degree and went to Penn but I’m not sure for which degree and has a thing for some show called “Robot Chicken.” Seriously, he mentions Robot Chicken more than once. It appears that he reads and threw out some authors I’ve never heard of, but he’s not the most creative writer. 3 of his 11 photos were taken on the same day. Another 2 photos were taken by holding his arm out in front of his face. Another is of a super cute fluffy white dog.

  16. KIKI!!!!! I was going to write that EXACT line about the jeans and evening dress abut didn’t feel like typing it all out on my iPhone. Oh Lordy that is just plain genius.

    That’s not so bad about the long as he has his shirt on in all of them, they aren’t taken in a mirror, and there are no ex-girlfriends, they shouldn’t be dealbreakers.

  17. Here’s the thing about dating, internet or not: you’re not looking for your freaking twin, yo. Like, why do you care if you like the same movies? Who says that even matters? You need friends outside of the marriage to meet all of your stupid little needs that your husband doesn’t give a crap about. You’re not looking for someone to be your everything. He’s an entirely separate person for crying out loud. Half the time my husband doesn’t even want to hear about this blog. And I love this blog!

    I think that you both need to agree, mostly, on politics, religion in a general sense, having kids or not, raising kids, and money. It would be nice to agree on music but I love music, my husband doesn’t give a shit, and listens only to talk radio. Talk radio makes me want to shoot myself. He even listens to talk radio shows that are about other talk radio shows. We can’t even ride to work together because we’ll drive straight to a divorce lawyer.

    But to think that you’re going to base your relationship on the mutual adoration of a certain writer, or bowling, or antiquing on the weekends is stupid. They shouldn’t even ask those questions.

  18. I was with you until the antiquing part. Cause if a guy wrote that, he just lost his chance.

    While I agree with you on all of that, I think that stuff DOES act as a good proxy for personality when you have nothing else to go on. Like I don’t care if we like the same authors, but the fact you list authors at all (as opposed to tv shows.. Honestly, you have 30 seconds to make an impression. If you can’t think of a SINGLE interesting thing to tell me other than that you watch The Office, we are not going to get along). Same goes for places you’ve been, how you spend your free time, what you do for a living. It doesn’t need to be the same as mine, but if I’m bored by the time I finish reading your blurb, our first date will likely not go well.

  19. This is a long story but I will type it out for you, Frannondog.

    When I lived in NYC and was the internet dating queen, I went out with this guy Peter who had a very well-written profile. He made it known that he was writing because he was a writer and thought I had a very well-written profile. So all that went to my ego. I went out with him and he talked about himself non-stop all night and never once asked me anything about myself. Like, to the point that I thought I was being filmed as a prank. He was cute, but not cute enough to overcome having his head up his ass. He’d just written a book and asked me to BUY A COPY. And he thought he was a comedian and all night I felt like he was using old lines on me. Like, the delivery was so effortless that it was rehearsed.

    So maybe I tried one more date with Peter, it was equally bad, and all he wanted me to do was go up to his apartment and took it personally when I wouldn’t. So I turned him down for a 3rd date, he got pissed, tried and tried but I wouldn’t give in and maybe even told him off.

    Then a week or two later I came across a profile that was short on words and had one hot, sexy picture. It was taken nude in the mirror and in it, the guy had cropped the pic so that I could only see from his neck to that hot little spot below his hips that was almost showing too much. So hard-bodied and sexy and I was like, fine. I will send this sexy motherfucker a little note.

    And what do you know? He wrote back right away and it said, “Hi Kiki. As much as I appreciate your enthusiasm, we’ve already tried this once and it didn’t work. — Peter.”

    Ugh. The humiliation hurts even now.

  20. That. Is. Amazing. Sorry Kiki, but amazing. What a jerk!

    I cannot type on this teeny little keyboard anymore tonight. Tomorrow I shall share my own stories, none so horrific as that. F Peter.

  21. OH! AND!! A month or so later there was an article in Marie Claire or somesuch magazine where an employee was forced to go out on 5 dates in 5 nights and PETER was one of the guys! And she said something like, “This guy talked about himself all night long and never asked me one question about myself.”

    OK tomorrow we will make an off-topic internet dating post.

  22. You guys make me SO HAPPY.

  23. Oh hooray!!! Can’t wait. Nighty night.

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