Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

For the record

by kiki dogwood

Margo has a really cute butt.  Yes, she’s still carrying a couple of extra pounds that all seem to center in the same general area, but even in a skimpy 3/4 bottom bikini, which looked much better than the granny bottoms, you can see the round, firm, athletic potential.  I am envious.  My butt is wide, unshapely, and made of jello.

This is a picture of my booty (Margo, taken by our mutual youtube star bestie while I had my back turned and was apparently texting someone) 6 years and 12 pounds ago.  This is my onion at its best which is eye-rolling since it is not anywhere near great and is so much worse than that right now.  But Margo is about to have it going on, ladies.  Also, I have a wedgie.  I had just gotten out of the pool.

Am crying tears of lumpy sadness


18 Responses to “For the record”

  1. And this was before K-dog, my LA bestie, taught me about buying a swimsuit that lays on the skin, not one that digs. Ugh.

  2. You are ridiculously hot and I see no lumps. And I can see your rib-less jealousy-inducing midsection from here. Margo, your butt please? I’ll post mine.

  3. My cellies were very tan but I do have deep dimples in the upper thigh/lower cheeks.

    But thank you for being nice. Send me yours and I will post it. Margo is not going to participate, knowing her.

  4. I think i have a shot from this summer..

  5. Omigod, Kiki, you are crazy. Look at how your thighs are no where near touching! And the tiny waist! You are a tall drink of deliciousness, then and now, and people are going to be staring at you on bikini challenge day because you’ll be the best looking woman within a 50 mile radius. For serious.

    Thanks for saying nice things about my butt. The shape is good, I guess, but it is way lumpier than this non-lumpy photo, and I would wager way lumpier than what you’re sitting on right now.

    If I can figure out a way to take a picture of my own ass, I’ll consider participating in this little whatever-it-is. (Kiki, this does not give you permission to post that pic you took of my but under harsh outlet mall dressing room fluorescent lighting!)

  6. Um. Confession.

    I had liposuction in 2002. I had to! I had massive hereditary saddle bags. I weighed 137 lbs and was in size 10 pants. It was so embarrassing. They took out 3.5 liters from the outside mostly, but definitely made it so my thighs don’t touch. I know I should have told you sooner. Sorry. I’ve been thinking about it. But it was the best surgery ever.

  7. (I already knew. And I want to go to there.)

  8. Faith, Jamie, and FRANNY HELLO, I’m going to need you to send photos of your asses for posting to

  9. If that’s what saddlebag lipo looks like sign me up.
    I always told mysel to hold off on any “procedures” until after I had kids and now I have the kids but no money for the procedure.
    Kiki your butt and thighs look great in that pic, even if it was a few years ago, you have great potential – keep up the good work.
    Earlier, before you posted your confession, I was going to send in a comment saying that you were crazy because you had no saddlebags and that I would love to have your thighs. Then my internet went down and when It came back up I was relieved to see your comment beacuse I doubt my thighs will ever get that sleek without lipo

  10. When I had my lipo it was like getting overnight results. I remember going to the Guess store in LA, where I could not even fit one thigh into their pants, still wearing my compression garment. I could wear anything I wanted. It blew my mind. Lipo was some of the best money ever spent (it was $3,000 back then). My ass has always been such a big fucking deal when I walk down the street and taking those saddlebags away took away a lot of (what I felt like was) negative attention.

    And then the salesgirl came up and said, “Girl, how is it you have all that ass and no hips?” In LA, there is no shame in plastic surgery.

    And I’m not going to say “Oh, you can do it on your own, you don’t need lipo to get to your desired results.” At 137 and 5’9″ and probably 18% body fat, I was heading into the no-menstruation zone. I worked out every single day. I didn’t drink; I didn’t even eat socially. I could not do it on my own and I was not interested in looking like a body builder. (NO OFFENSE TO BODY BUILDERS, SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE BODY BUILDERS. Just kidding. None of my best friends are body builders.)

  11. I have no old “good” ass pics so can I please have permission to wait till I get to 128 like Margo? I am 132 now so please spare me the humiliation for just a couple more weeks!

  12. Oh, Jaime I wish I could but we’re going to need them tomorrow. 🙂

  13. I was probably back up to 132 today when I took the one that’s posted of me. Yes, I really do fluctuate that much. I hate it.

    SEND IN YOUR PICS!! We will take care of you, we swear. We don’t put ugly pictures on our blog.

  14. I AM ON MY COMPUTER RIGHT NOW LOOKING FOR PICS!!! But you two have made me feel ashamed of what I thought was an okay-ass, but if you guys think you look bad then I’m the one who needs the weight loss blog. I just emailed my mother to please-send-those-photos-of-us-on-the-boat-last-summer for no reason. She is getting on it.

    LA has apparently warped your view of what normal butts look like. You two are hot shit. 200% gay for both of your asses.

  15. I am so in love with you.

  16. Yeah yeah. You’re just buttering me up to try and get a photo of my dimple-ass.

  17. I blame the media for my warped perception.

    But you know what? I would have NO perception if people hadn’t started pointed it out when I was, like, 12.


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