Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)


by kiki dogwood

I woke with a raging headache from my teeth to the back of my skull.  I felt completely fine all day yesterday, though.  Am 2 pounds and .5% less fat this morning.  I’m thinking about doing the sea salt wash but might put it off to tomorrow.


23 Responses to “Ugh.”

  1. Margo, that Taylor body fat scale is weird. If you follow the directions for body fat and step on with damp feet, it gives you one reading. But if you just walk up and get on it without following those directions, it will tell you that you are 1.8 pounds less.

    I can understand it needing damp feet for accurate body fat measuring but I don’t understand it needing damp feet for (what I assume is) weight measuring. Does yours do this?

  2. That’s bizarro. Mine doesn’t say anything about damp feet. I never get on it with damp feet. I noticed this weekend that where I put my feet may have some affect on the weight measurement, but I have no idea about the rest of it. That’s weird.

    I cannot believe you are doing this detox while you are packing and moving. I think you’re a little bit insane. I totally admire you and you are my hero.

  3. Did you read the directions? Is it the Taylor scale? This one that I paid $10 too much for at Target?

    It says that because the thickness of the skin on your feet can impact the reading that you should get on with slightly damp feet.

  4. And it’s easier to do the fast when you’re really busy, so I’m not minding it yet. And the headache is gone.

  5. Yes, that is the scale. I never get on it with damp feet.

  6. Well don’t start now. It’ll fuck you up.

    I guess I have to be content to say that the scale will tell me what I weigh within 2 pounds, and 0.5% bodyfat, and being nit-picky about it is borderline obsessive. So I won’t.

  7. Wait are you doing the cleanse?? Here’s an inappropriate question: are you breastfeeding junior dogwood? How can you survive doing both?

  8. Ha! No, junior was weaned in the first week of March. I would not do that to my little lovey.

    Yes, I started the Master Cleanse. I’m weird, but I love it. I love wresting control over food from my brain. I remember being in Brooklyn on the fast, riding the train, and seeing someone eating fried chicken. Yes, on the fucking train. I looked at them and thought, “I am a slave to nothing.” I was probably 5 days into the fast and totally bonkers.

    You know when you feel like you’re going to die if you don’t eat something immediately? I never feel that way on the fast. I just drink more of the lemonade. Then, in regular life, it’s easier to remember what real hunger feels like and not get so dramatic about low blood sugar.

  9. One time, in grad school, I got really pissed about a paper I had to write. Then I started crying, then I decided I was dropping out. Then my friend said “let’s go get dinner and take a breather”. Then I ate. Then I decided not to quit, the paper wasn’t so hard, and I don’t do well with being hungry.

    Therein lies my fear of the cleanse. I will probably end up unemployed and homeless.

  10. How many times can I declare my enormous gayness for The Annondog?

  11. Annondog declares it back.

  12. Sea Salt Wash??

  13. Um, really?

    “Once you feel you can no longer hold out, go to the bathroom. A word of warning while you wait for this moment. DO NOT FART!!! You will most certainly not pass only air – if you know what I mean. This is also true throughout the rest of your day. Don’t be fooled or you will be leaving work to change your shorts. The first movement will be rather large and fairly powerful. You will want to flush almost immediately. In order to understand the whole messy details, take a look… if you dare.”

  14. Oh give me a break. You’d all love to have a shit like that and you know it.

  15. Hehehehehheheheheheehehhe. I am still giggling over here. Officemate just asked why. I shall not share.

  16. Nonono – I tried this part of the “cleanse” a couple of years back – It is no shit. First your stomach cramps up then there is a waterfall coming out of your ass – it is awful – like the worst diarrhea you’ve ever had but self induced.
    And then the cleanse suggests a laxative tea at night. This tea pretty much tears out the lining of your stomach and intestines ( well that is what the cramping feels like anyway). So not only are you not eating, your sleep is interrupted by horrible cramping and then you get to wake up and drink salt water. The memories still haunt me.
    Hope you are doing ok kiki – and I know you will look hot for bikini challenge cleansed or not

  17. Where is our guiding light KAT EDEN? I wonder if KAT EDEN is checking her google alerts. What does KKAT EDEN have to say about this maser cleanse?

  18. I love how it’s like shining the bat light into the sky. KAT EDEN. KAT EDEN. PAGING KAT EDEN.


    I guess everyone must be different because I am unaffected by what I’m doing. I’ve done the salt wash several times in the past and yes, there is a waterfall but there is no pain and it doesn’t go on all day. I’d say you just don’t leave the house for an hour after drinking it.

    I’m not so sure about looking hot in a bikini just yet, but this fast isn’t going to get me there. You gain back 3/4 of what you lose within a day or two. For me it’s more about getting my mind right with regard to food.

  20. And I’ve never done the tea because I didn’t feel that I needed it.

  21. We nag because we care.
    Besides, the threat of waterfall shit would be a big turn off at your lesbo 5 way.

  22. Oooh, good one jaime!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: