Ugh.
by kiki dogwood
I woke with a raging headache from my teeth to the back of my skull. I felt completely fine all day yesterday, though. Am 2 pounds and .5% less fat this morning. I’m thinking about doing the sea salt wash but might put it off to tomorrow.
SkinnyThighs 
Margo, that Taylor body fat scale is weird. If you follow the directions for body fat and step on with damp feet, it gives you one reading. But if you just walk up and get on it without following those directions, it will tell you that you are 1.8 pounds less.
I can understand it needing damp feet for accurate body fat measuring but I don’t understand it needing damp feet for (what I assume is) weight measuring. Does yours do this?
kikidogwood - May 24, 2010 at 7:02 am |
That’s bizarro. Mine doesn’t say anything about damp feet. I never get on it with damp feet. I noticed this weekend that where I put my feet may have some affect on the weight measurement, but I have no idea about the rest of it. That’s weird.
I cannot believe you are doing this detox while you are packing and moving. I think you’re a little bit insane. I totally admire you and you are my hero.
margofontaine - May 24, 2010 at 7:22 am |
Did you read the directions? Is it the Taylor scale? This one that I paid $10 too much for at Target?
It says that because the thickness of the skin on your feet can impact the reading that you should get on with slightly damp feet.
kikidogwood - May 24, 2010 at 7:27 am |
And it’s easier to do the fast when you’re really busy, so I’m not minding it yet. And the headache is gone.
kikidogwood - May 24, 2010 at 7:36 am |
Yes, that is the scale. I never get on it with damp feet.
margofontaine - May 24, 2010 at 7:37 am |
Well don’t start now. It’ll fuck you up.
I guess I have to be content to say that the scale will tell me what I weigh within 2 pounds, and 0.5% bodyfat, and being nit-picky about it is borderline obsessive. So I won’t.
kikidogwood - May 24, 2010 at 7:44 am |
Wait are you doing the cleanse?? Here’s an inappropriate question: are you breastfeeding junior dogwood? How can you survive doing both?
Annondog - May 24, 2010 at 7:58 am |
Ha! No, junior was weaned in the first week of March. I would not do that to my little lovey.
Yes, I started the Master Cleanse. I’m weird, but I love it. I love wresting control over food from my brain. I remember being in Brooklyn on the fast, riding the train, and seeing someone eating fried chicken. Yes, on the fucking train. I looked at them and thought, “I am a slave to nothing.” I was probably 5 days into the fast and totally bonkers.
You know when you feel like you’re going to die if you don’t eat something immediately? I never feel that way on the fast. I just drink more of the lemonade. Then, in regular life, it’s easier to remember what real hunger feels like and not get so dramatic about low blood sugar.
kikidogwood - May 24, 2010 at 8:18 am |
One time, in grad school, I got really pissed about a paper I had to write. Then I started crying, then I decided I was dropping out. Then my friend said “let’s go get dinner and take a breather”. Then I ate. Then I decided not to quit, the paper wasn’t so hard, and I don’t do well with being hungry.
Therein lies my fear of the cleanse. I will probably end up unemployed and homeless.
Annondog - May 24, 2010 at 8:27 am |
How many times can I declare my enormous gayness for The Annondog?
margofontaine - May 24, 2010 at 9:26 am |
Annondog declares it back.
Annondog - May 24, 2010 at 9:29 am |
Sea Salt Wash??
Faith - May 24, 2010 at 12:57 pm |
http://themastercleanse.org/salt-water-flush/
seriously. ew.
margofontaine - May 24, 2010 at 1:12 pm |
Um, really?
“Once you feel you can no longer hold out, go to the bathroom. A word of warning while you wait for this moment. DO NOT FART!!! You will most certainly not pass only air – if you know what I mean. This is also true throughout the rest of your day. Don’t be fooled or you will be leaving work to change your shorts. The first movement will be rather large and fairly powerful. You will want to flush almost immediately. In order to understand the whole messy details, take a look… if you dare.”
Annondog - May 24, 2010 at 1:25 pm |
Oh give me a break. You’d all love to have a shit like that and you know it.
kikidogwood - May 24, 2010 at 2:44 pm |
Hehehehehheheheheheehehhe. I am still giggling over here. Officemate just asked why. I shall not share.
Annondog - May 24, 2010 at 2:54 pm |
Nonono – I tried this part of the “cleanse” a couple of years back – It is no shit. First your stomach cramps up then there is a waterfall coming out of your ass – it is awful – like the worst diarrhea you’ve ever had but self induced.
And then the cleanse suggests a laxative tea at night. This tea pretty much tears out the lining of your stomach and intestines ( well that is what the cramping feels like anyway). So not only are you not eating, your sleep is interrupted by horrible cramping and then you get to wake up and drink salt water. The memories still haunt me.
Hope you are doing ok kiki – and I know you will look hot for bikini challenge cleansed or not
Jaime - May 24, 2010 at 5:10 pm |
Where is our guiding light KAT EDEN? I wonder if KAT EDEN is checking her google alerts. What does KKAT EDEN have to say about this maser cleanse?
Jaime - May 24, 2010 at 5:12 pm |
I love how it’s like shining the bat light into the sky. KAT EDEN. KAT EDEN. PAGING KAT EDEN.
Annondog - May 24, 2010 at 5:22 pm |
JEEEEEZUS, Y’ALL.
I guess everyone must be different because I am unaffected by what I’m doing. I’ve done the salt wash several times in the past and yes, there is a waterfall but there is no pain and it doesn’t go on all day. I’d say you just don’t leave the house for an hour after drinking it.
I’m not so sure about looking hot in a bikini just yet, but this fast isn’t going to get me there. You gain back 3/4 of what you lose within a day or two. For me it’s more about getting my mind right with regard to food.
kikidogwood - May 24, 2010 at 5:37 pm |
And I’ve never done the tea because I didn’t feel that I needed it.
kikidogwood - May 24, 2010 at 5:38 pm |
We nag because we care.
Besides, the threat of waterfall shit would be a big turn off at your lesbo 5 way.
Jaime - May 24, 2010 at 5:43 pm |
Oooh, good one jaime!
Annondog - May 24, 2010 at 6:02 pm |