Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

I don’t care anymore

I keep telling myself it’s a phase and it will pass, but it has been 5 days and it’s not passing.

I don’t care anymore.  I don’t care if I’m fat.  I don’t care if I look like ass in a bikini.  I don’t care if I’m publically humiliated on Kiki’s birthday.  I don’t care if my entire body is taken over by cellulite.  I don’t care if I’m not very healthy because I eat too much sugar and drink too much booze and don’t eat enough vegetables.

I’m sick of thinking about it.  I’m way to stressed out and miserable to have my every thought consumed by what I’m going to eat (or, really, NOT eat), and how many squats I’m going to do.

I know I am being a big whiney baby right now, and of course I really do care, and I know that the Sneaky Hate Spiral has got its terrible hooks in me.  I want to quit.  Which only makes me hate myself.  Which only makes it worse.



7 Responses to “I don’t care anymore”

  1. I heart you. Take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay.

  2. I am with you. I have never been nor will I have been happy with my body. When i was 110 pds in high school I thought i was fat. hated something at any given time about my body. At 140 pds I hated something. Then obviously at 250 pds hated it. I thought OK after being obese I will appreciate being 130-140 now and even looking back at 110 pds realizing that was TOO damn skinny. NOPE still not happy. Some what content or maybe i just dont care anymore… I dont know.
    So I hear you and i totally understand where your coming from Margs!

  3. Do what you need to do.
    In the big scheme of life . . . worrying about a skinny ass is a luxury.

    I will offer this advice that my yoga teacher is constantly screaming out at us “breathe”

  4. oh yeah – looking at that one picture of your ass from the side… you know the one that was posted on here – YOU ARE NOT FAT!!! sure you may want to lose a pound or two – but Margo – you are fine looking!

  5. Thanks, y’all.

  6. Hi margs hope you’re feeling better today. Sometimes I just need to indulge myself for a couple of days to get back on track. Then when i start feeling shitty about eating and drinking too much again I get back on track . Faith is right, it is a luxury to worry about having a skinny ass. Sometimes i think i fixate on it because i am so selfish and greedy. Then i remember that if i just let it all go i would feel even shittier and have less energy. And even though i feel like i take myself away from the things i love to focus on exercising etc. If i become the fat lazy person on the couch then i will really be taking myself away from the things i love. Ugh – well we love you and your ass wether it gets bigger or smaller.

  7. Thank you, Jaime.

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