Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)


by kiki dogwood

Sorry to have bailed right before Bikini Challenge 2010 causing a collective missed orgasm all over this blog.  I did not get internet back until just now.  Can you believe that shit?

So here’s how bikini challenge went:

I weighed in at 156+ and felt pretty good about myself, considering the 17 pounds I lost thanks to Margo’s support since January.  I got plenty drunk off Sofia in a can.  Apart from Margo and myself, only 5 other women showed their faces out of the 20 who had rsvp’d.  Most of them had already had 2 babies and I think I can speak for Margo when I say that they put us to shame.  We all laid around talking and drinking and finally got the cojones to do a little catwalk, cheering each other on.  Honestly, I felt pretty good about the whole thing until someone posted a photo of us on facebook today and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I am a big fat cow.  Margo and I have agreed that 145 is my most appropriate weight and I cannot stop, and cannot get pregnant again, until I reach that number.  Well, we agreed on the first part and I’m just throwing that 2nd part out there.

This is why we have good news for those of you who feel let down by our big let down:  the Real Bikini Challenge 2010 will take place on July 31.  At a bar.  During a bikini contest.  With strangers and their breast implants.  Deal with it.

Franny?  Faith?  Jaime?  How did it go?  Did you appear in public?  Did you take pictures?  Are you on board for July 31?


7 Responses to “WASSUP BITCHIES?”

  1. welcome back ! I see no pics !!!
    I can guarantee you you look better than i do so shut it ! I have had 2 damn kids ! You look awesome !

  2. 1) You do not look like a cow. You look great.
    2) We should also mention that 2 of the 5 that actually showed up were invited by someone other than us.
    3) What is with this July 31st business? Why do you get to make all the decisions?!
    4) NO MORE BABIES UNTIL YOU ARE 145. (This is why you picked July. I’m not dumb.)
    5) Welcome back. We missed you.

  3. We can do it in August if you want. Would that be better? Would you complain less? I picked the end of July because at some point I have to quit drinking. And I thought it was a fair amount of time for me to get to 145 and for you to get to 120 if we quit fucking up.

  4. Bikini Challenge sounds amazing. Wish I had been there.

    I was on a retreat this weekend so did not have the opportunity to don a bikini (although, the pond at the retreat center was “clothing optional” – I did not partake). I’m in for July 31st although that is the beau’s birthday, so whether or not we hit the beach is his call. My weight as of this morning is the highest it’s been since March so I am back to cutting out sugar and bagels and am counting calories. Boo.

  5. Welcome Back Kiki! missed you!! Happy birthday too!!

    Yes Bikini Challenge was a little bit like a missed orgasm – disappointing – but still wanting! So yes I love the idea of changing the date – I am going on a family vacation with the skinny bitches that I call sister in laws around July 4th week. I need to be at 123 – I will lose that 10 pounds of blubber hanging on my ass/thighs.

    so Saturday, June 5th I was at the beach, in a tiny bikini, though I probably shouldn’t have been. I wasn’t thin, wasn’t fat, just sorta too much for that little bathinsuit. Ok figured out what I looked like. I felt like I looked like Rebecca Romijn in the “Who has the best bikini body? contest” at Check out the website. you’ll see what I mean.

  6. Faith – that link is 1) awesome 2) totally unfair to Rebecca – who knew Beyonce had a 6-pack? and 3) such a great illustration. Totally know what you mean.

    I have officially out-fatted my jeans (again). Such a bummer.

  7. I don’t really understand how it’s a “game,” but it’s totally interesting. I do not believe that Rebecca Romijn has really ever looked like that, but it’s still better than I have ever looked EVER, so rock on, Faith. Forserious.

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