Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

What I do while Kiki is drinking white sangria from a box*

by margo fontaine

Here’s the insane fucking workout that I can’t believe I lived through in order to tell Kiki about and make her eyes cross.

The circuit:
1) 5 aerobics step benches in a line.  Jump on and off them going forward down the line (think obstacle course style): first jumping sideways facing the right and run back to the start, then facing front and run back to the start, then sideways to the left and run back to the start.  Go for 3 minutes.
2) Cones set up in a circle with one in the center.  Start in the center, run out (maybe 25 feet?) touch the cone, run backwards to touch the center cone, run to the next outer cone, run backwards to the center cone, continue on around the circle.  Go for 3 minutes.
3) On a line 25 feet from a wall, pick up a med ball (15 lbs, probably?) and toss/roll it underhanded from your right side with all your might to make it hit the wall.  Run and get it, run back to the line, and toss/roll it from your left side to hit the wall.  Repeat for 3 minutes.
4) Jump rope for 3 minutes.
5) Hurdles set up the length the gym: the first 3 are jump ropes laid out on the floor, the next 2 are stadium benches.  Run and jump hurdles down the line, then run back to the start and repeat.  Go for 3 minutes.

Do the whole circuit WITHOUT STOPPING.

I tell you what, bitches: 3 minutes is a LONG ASS TIME!  Especially when 1) you’re used to doing 30 second sections, and 2) it’s five 3 minute sections without stopping.  I think we might have done this twice through, but I honestly can’t remember, and when you hear what happened next, you’ll understand why.

I work at a university.  A major, multi-national-football-championship winning university, that values football above probably anything else.  The head coach makes almost my *annual* salary EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK.  (This, by the way, does not include the several hundred thousand dollar stipend he received for the month of November for taking his team to the Championship finals, while the rest of the university has been subject to a hiring freeze and have not received raises and have been experiencing major layoffs for the last year and a half… but I digress.)  I say this to give you an idea of how big our football stadium is—it holds over 100,000 people for any given game.  This stadium is adjacent to the building where the fitness class I’m in happens, and often they make us go there.  So what we did after that crazy circuit work out is:

Go outside (hello, 97 degrees) to the football stadium ramps.  Run up four ramps in the following way:
Ramps 1 and 3: BACKWARDS uphill.
Ramps 2 and 4: going forward, but taking traveling ice skater jumps uphill.
Run down the 4 ramps.
Repeat ramps 1 and 2.  Run down 2 ramps.  Do this TWICE.
Repeat ramps 1 through 4.  Run down 4 ramps.

That is TWELVE STADIUM RAMPS people.  Half of them backwards.  In 97 degree heat and 90% humidity.

The end.


6 Responses to “What I do while Kiki is drinking white sangria from a box*”

  1. *Kiki, I KNOW you were doing more than just drinking box wine this week. The title is for comic effect. Go with it.

  2. And then put the wine down and do 15 pushups.

  3. This. Is. Insane. This Annondog right here could not hang. I’ve been lazy this week and eating like shit, too, so none of that for me. Remember the 100 Push-Up Challenge? I did it for one day. Anyone else?

  4. I never even made it to the point of actually reading what the challenge IS.

    Annondy, don’t you do this every morning at boot camp??

  5. I looked at the 100 pushup challenge and bookmarked it – thats it. I need something new and inspiring – I was jamming when I had my weekend getaway/ bikini challenge to look foward to. I was getting up early and working out and working out when the kids napped – Now all I want to do is sleep in and nap when they nap. what the fuck – i need my workout mojo back

  6. No, that is certainly NOT what I do. Boot camp is T/Th and is nowhere near that intense!

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