Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)


by margo fontaine

I just made a special trip to the grocery store at 9pm and returned with 3 different kinds of cookies:

Bauducco Cholocate Wafers
Kashi TLC Oatmeal Dark Chocolate Soft-Baked Cookies
Newman’s Own Espresso Chocolate Chip Cookies

AND a Green & Blacks Organic Cherry Dark Chocolate bar, 2 Gnu Flavor & Fiber bars, a Qbel dark chocolate cristpy wafer roll, and a MORE magazine with Kyra Sedgwick on the cover.  The magazine I would say has no consequence, except that I have been told before that I resemble Kyra Sedgwick and Kyra Sedgwick’s character on The Closer (which is a fine show that I recommend) has a pension for the sweet tooth, especially Ding Dongs, which: HELLO: best. snack cake. EVER.

So far I’ve only had the Bauducco’s but: JESUS CHRIST.

kyra sedgwick


3 Responses to “PLEASE HELP ME.”

  1. Are you falling into the organic junk food pit?

    Does it help if I told you that my old Madison Ave dentist is married to the editor of More? And still he would flirt with me. She’s besties with Candice Bergen, hello.

    The few times in my adult life that I’ve eaten Twinkies or Ding Dongs or any of that crap I’ve thought to myself that it didn’t taste nearly as good as I remembered.

    Did it give you the runs? I got the runs just reading it, but you know how I am.

  2. No, I do not have the runs. And yeah, I’m always disappointed that the processed hostess snack cakes never taste as good as they did when I was younger. But that doesn’t stop me from trying because what if the next one is? I’m such a dumbass.

    It was only organic because that’s the store that’s next to me that I could walk to at 9pm to chase the dragon.

    I want to be besties with Candice Bergen.

  3. Also, for the record, I don’t think I look like Kyra Sedgwick. I think people say that because sometimes we have the same hair, which is the same reason they say I look like Sarah Jessica Parker, which I don’t think is very complimentary because she looks like a horse.

    A horse with a slammin’ body and nice hair. But still. I’d rather look like Mrs. Bacon than SJP.

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