Get to work, bitch. (probably NSFW.)

Dear Kiki

by margo fontaine

Dear Kiki,

I really miss bread.

Clicking this link will take you to a shit-ton of bread recipes. Don't do it.

Yesterday at school, I saw this dance major eating a sandwich from Jimmy John’s and I wanted to snatch the bun right off her head and steal her delicious fresh-baked-bread-y sandwich.  But then I thought, “Wait – this is a DANCE major EATING a SANDWICH?”  So, I decided to let her have it, since it was probably the only one she will get this month.

But still.  When will the cravings go away?  Because I don’t think I want to live in a world without bread.

Even if I have lost 7 lbs in the last two weeks with this crazy paleo business.

Bread, bread, bread.  Bready bread, bread.

This must be what Whitney Houston feels like when Bobby takes away her crack pipe.

Please help me.

Love, Margo


6 Responses to “Dear Kiki”



  2. Yes. But since then I’ve had a hamburger and a burrito and 2 margaritas. So, now it’s more like 5.

  3. When you see bread and think it’s delicious, think of a sack of flour and all of the voo-doo magic that bread manufacturers do to that sack of flour to get you to eat something inedible. And tell yourself you’re smarter than that.

  4. And the bread cravings go away. I don’t have them anymore. It’s the lychee martini cravings that don’t go away.

  5. I just ate two cupcakes. That’s not bread so it’s okay, right?

  6. lyyycheeeee maaartiiiniiiiiiiiiiii.

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